Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Things I want to ask my mom

My mom died 5.5 years ago. Here are some of the silly things I wish I could call and ask my mom intertwined with some serious things.

1. When I was 10 and sent away for my Joshua Jackson 8x10" photo, did you find the $2 and not send it? I never got my photo. I still think Joshua Jackson is gorgeous.

2. How did that tune that you always used to hum go? I can't remember and it drives me crazy.

3. Were you ever able to really forgive me for what I said to you after your surgery? 'Cause I still regret it.

4. Want to watch Finding Nemo with me tonight?

5. Did I ever take a polygraph test when I was little? I remember being 3 or 4 years old and everyone tells me that I didn't. but. I. remember. it.

6. What was your favorite slot machine? Did you like the video ones, or just the lame one line wins games? If it's the one liners, they suck.

7. What words did I say funny when I was a kid?

8. Tell me more about your dad. I'm too scared to ask your aunt. I think it will make her sad.

9. Did you hide anything around the house? Dad is kind of particular. If I were you I would have hidden notes everywhere.

10. Are you proud of me?

11. Can you yell at me? I can't remember your voice. It devastates me.

12. Remember when we were driving to Arkansas and needed to buy me a life vest because I couldn't swim? That was the first time I ever went to a Target. You told me to look for one, I couldn't read so you told me to look for a "bullseye". I remember.

13. Did you know that I was mad at you? When you told me the prognosis I was mad. I knew it was real and you were giving up. You deserved to make whatever choice you were going to make, you'd been through more than anyone should have to go through, but I just saw it as my mom was leaving me. Sometimes I still think that. I feel guilty for it all the time.

14. Did you know that 5.5 years later I'm just starting to deal with everything?

15. Did you know that you were my best friend?

16. Do you know that I love you and think of you every single day? Because I do.

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