Musings of a 20-Something Transient

This blog has moved

2011-09-14T03:14:00.001-04:00

I've officially moved to:

moralofthestory.org

Please follow me there :)

Carly

I have to write a sex scene?

2011-04-10T03:59:00.002-04:00

Those who say that writing a novel comes naturally have never written a sex scene. I don't think this would be nearly as awkward if my father hadn't read the beginning of the story. I keep thinking "What happens when he reads this?" Awkward central. Anyways, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by this task, hence the procrastination.

I know I'm not particularly eloquent on this blog, as it is my personal blog. Please be advised that my writing style is much more cohesive when I'm trying to tell a story. :)

Things I want to ask my mom

2010-12-29T01:08:00.004-05:00

My mom died 5.5 years ago. Here are some of the silly things I wish I could call and ask my mom intertwined with some serious things.

1. When I was 10 and sent away for my Joshua Jackson 8x10" photo, did you find the $2 and not send it? I never got my photo. I still think Joshua Jackson is gorgeous.

2. How did that tune that you always used to hum go? I can't remember and it drives me crazy.

3. Were you ever able to really forgive me for what I said to you after your surgery? 'Cause I still regret it.

4. Want to watch Finding Nemo with me tonight?

5. Did I ever take a polygraph test when I was little? I remember being 3 or 4 years old and everyone tells me that I didn't. but. I. remember. it.

6. What was your favorite slot machine? Did you like the video ones, or just the lame one line wins games? If it's the one liners, they suck.

7. What words did I say funny when I was a kid?

8. Tell me more about your dad. I'm too scared to ask your aunt. I think it will make her sad.

9. Did you hide anything around the house? Dad is kind of particular. If I were you I would have hidden notes everywhere.

10. Are you proud of me?

11. Can you yell at me? I can't remember your voice. It devastates me.

12. Remember when we were driving to Arkansas and needed to buy me a life vest because I couldn't swim? That was the first time I ever went to a Target. You told me to look for one, I couldn't read so you told me to look for a "bullseye". I remember.

13. Did you know that I was mad at you? When you told me the prognosis I was mad. I knew it was real and you were giving up. You deserved to make whatever choice you were going to make, you'd been through more than anyone should have to go through, but I just saw it as my mom was leaving me. Sometimes I still think that. I feel guilty for it all the time.

14. Did you know that 5.5 years later I'm just starting to deal with everything?

15. Did you know that you were my best friend?

16. Do you know that I love you and think of you every single day? Because I do.

CNN's Hero of the Year & Generation Y

2010-12-25T23:59:00.005-05:00

As I sit here in tears over the beautiful story of Anuradha Koirala who is a woman providing support, shelter and speaking out against human trafficking at the boarder of Nepal and India, she says something that catches my attention. She says roughly pay attention to these youths, pointing to the youths that nominated her. "They are the future generation," she says.

If you haven't heard of Anuradha, please click the link above and read her story. It's a fantastic cause.

Now, getting back to my point, the quote above intrigues me, as I haven't heard it often outside of the typical cliche. To be honest everything I hear about generation y taking over is criticism and concern. I'm not saying that these concerns aren't valid. Trust me, I'm concerned too and I am a member of Gen Y; however, what do we gain out of our elder generations, our mentors, belittling our future instead of teaching us the values, skills or outlooks?

Now, with all due respect I do not mean to pass blame. The only thing that I really want to try to shed light on here is that we can ALL make a difference in the future, big or small. I try to set an example when children are around whether they are my niece and nephews or a random child in a store. I realize that the group of individuals in Gen Y are no longer children, they no longer have to be coddled, pat on the head nor be taken care of. Yet in my book if you have the ability to complain you have the ability to change what you don't like. If you're not making this effort you are no better than those you judge.

Merry-day-after-Christmas, here's a picture from our celebration: Pajama Christmas 2010. Please feel free to share thoughts on the topic above.

Defining New Opportunities

2010-12-13T14:23:00.006-05:00

Hm, hm, hm, so what can I say? It's been a long time and much has happened. I am currently unemployed due to lay offs. At least it was through no fault of my own. I wont talk too much about that because there's simply no point. Now what I'm focusing on is where to go next.

Moving back to Texas- This is a HUGE option, and more of a backup plan/jumping platform than anything else.

Moving to Prague- I'm currently in the works with an opportunity that might take me to, yes, the Czech Republic. This would be fantastic, as it's an EU country and Prague is a beautiful city. It would give me the chance to explore and still stay on a similar career path; however, it is very early.

Staying in Washington, DC- With both it's pros and cons, DC has grown on me in the last 6 months. I don't see staying as much of an option at this point and to be honest, I don't see myself happy here in 20 years.

I don't know if those cities can get more culturally diverse from one another, I sincerely doubt the possibility. All I know is that I need to get something going, something where I have the potential for long term enjoyment and personal development. And, if I'm being totally honest, I also want a bit of adventure. Can you tell which option I'm interested in most?

one line.

2010-07-23T21:25:00.003-04:00

Some things are just tougher to handle than others.

This is one of those things.

Congrats on your wedding.

3-Time Rock Star

2010-07-06T01:14:00.004-04:00

Well, it looks like my coworker and I are still tied for earning Rock Star Awards in our office. We both won the exact same week, dammit. I mean, Congrats KT. ;) Really, the recognition and 75 congrats emails after are great and all but an extra 8 hours of vacay would be much better right now. I'm exhausted & it's going to get MUCH worse until September. The calm before the storm has ended as of 7.18.10. I'll travel from July 18-Aug 18 straight working 15 hour days. I then have a few personal things to take care of & then I leave 2 weeks later for a 3 week vacation in Italy, thank god.

The picture above is the Lincoln Memorial at Sunset on 7.4.2010

Death by 30-Day Shred

2010-05-10T11:36:00.004-04:00

Ok, so obviously I didn't die, but I feel like I'm damn near close. I'm by no means an expert athlete, but I was doing pretty well running and eliptical-ing so I figured this wouldn't be too bad... it was painful. I did the first time a week ago and I literally made it through 10 minutes before my legs were shaking and in horrid pain. It took about 4 days to feel like I could walk again. Anyways, I gave it another shot today and made it through the first workout. Now, keep in mind the workouts are only 20 minutes long, if you're scoffing at me now try it first. I was easily doing an hour on the eliptical or miles on the treadmill and 20 minutes was brutal. I'm going to keep up with this one and see how it goes. On the other hand in the past 3 days without working out I've lost 6 lbs by watching labels & cutting out processed food. The Jillian Michaels claim of 20 lbs in 30 days doesn't mean to much to me-- I'm pretty sure I'll do that anyways. I'm just hoping that this workout along with my regular cardio speeds it up. Whew.

Oh and if you're wondering about what the all of a sudden diet & intense exercise is, I realized a few days ago that leave for Italy in LESS THAN 4 MONTHS!! Holy crap. I refuse to be Fattie McFatpants in Italy or the pictures from Italy.

A day in the life of ME

2010-05-02T11:04:00.045-04:00

Here's an average Saturday for me in Spring 2010:

I wake up at 9:30 a.m.

Make my bed

Start a load of laundry

Make my breakfast, yum! Spinach, Peaches, Raspberry, Strawberry, Banana Smoothie

Drink Breakfast, Make Grocery List, Take Vitamins, Check Facebook

Check work emails

Shower time. So fresh & so clean clean...

Still grumpy. I hate mornings

It's now 10:38 a.m. I'm in my Jeep

Grocery Shopping @ Harris Teeter

Yum yum.

Lunch

Me driving

On my way to DC Proper

The Nation's largest phallic symbol... Me likey

US Capitol Building

Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. I love this one

Eleephhhannnntttt!

A shout out to my Aussie friends ;) The difference between two types of Kangaroos

ROARRRRRRRR!I love me some American History

If you were unaware before, please realize that Washington had a pretty rockin' bod.

"If my name ever goes into history it will be for this act, and my whole soul is into it"

~ Abraham Lincoln on the Emancipation Proclamation

Vote for Abe! Political banner from 1860. My 2nd favorite president

The draft wheel from the Civil War. Names were put in, the wheel was spun and names were selected from this wheel 1 by 1. The numbers & birthdays selections came later.

Dorothy's Slippers! My favorite movie as a child was Wizard of Oz

Kermy has made it into the American History Museum!

Self explanatory.

Vietnam War: Televised. Every TV was playing different footage from the war in Vietnam. This exhibit had almost as many people watching as Abraham Lincoln's tribute exhibit, it was incredibly horrific.

I left the Smithsonian to head to the monuments. It was 90F out today, perfect for frozen lemonade and a sit by the reflecting pool.

My favorite place in Washington, between the Reflecting Pool and the Washington Monument. Perfect place to put your feet in the freezing water, eat your frozen lemonade & read a book....

So that's what I did for a while

After reading, I took a walk over to the Lincoln Monument, my favorite. After seeing Honest Abe, I was ready to head home. Back to the Metro

Smithsonian Stop

On the train, Jamming out to what else but Negramaro? Giuliano Sangiorgi, how I love you.

The obnoxious overly PDA couple in front of me. Took this out of shock that they stopped sucking face.

Me pleased that they stopped sucking face. (On the Metro)

Checking up on some websites :)

Salmon burgers for dinner.

After this my camera died :( The rest of the night went as follows:
Shower again.
Go to bar in Leesburg
Hang out with Gerry
Come home
Watch Chelsea Lately
Go to Bed.

Just do it

2010-04-06T13:09:00.003-04:00

Sometimes we all have to do things that we don't want to do. Buck up. I'm tired of babysitting for men that are OLDER than me, get it together. It's not my job to make sure you're doing something correctly. You have 10 more years of experience, quit being a baby and do it. Just do it. Listen to Nike.

Does this even count as blogging anymore?

2010-04-03T21:18:00.004-04:00

I'm not sure if it counts anymore. I've been gone Nov 23-April3rd. Quite a stretch. Let's see:

December: I went back to Dallas for 2.5 weeks for the holidays. I cannot believe how big my nephews are getting now. When I saw them at Christmas they asked if I could sleep over and watch movies with them until MIDNIGHT! It was a huge deal for a pair of 8 year olds, that was my New Years Day and it was awesome. We watched "UP," which was surprisingly good. For Christmas my nephew, L., got a scrapbook of his trip to Disney this year. Even with the massive amounts of video games he turned to my sister-in-law (his mom,) and said "This is the best present I've ever gotten." What a sweet little guy. I also found out that my other nephew, A., has quite an obsession with infomercials, which has lead to my brother purchasing the perfect brownie pan, a set of snuggies, as well as other random goodies. For any infomercial that comes on A will tell you "it's a 'Just wait!'" or "Auntie, it's a limited time offer where you get a free ____ oh and you double the order for FREE!" I love it.

My niece is, well she just is. She's 13 now and much more of a pain than I was at 16. She was nice enough to me but overall a moody, angsty 13-year-old girl.

January: Rough month. My work team was regroupped and it was a very emotional thing. I was taken away from my professional mentor, but the world kept spinning. Change is always hard, this was particularly difficult.

February: The work changes were starting to improve. Valentines day bitterly came and went. I didn't leave the house so I didn't have to stare daggars at any fluffy red hearts or people with, gasp, flowers. (pouts) Oh, still a bit single, if you couldn't tell.

March: March was pretty good. I had a meeting with all of my coworkers in Maryland/DC. We resolved most of our issues with our work changes, if not all of them. I feel much better. I applied to another position but since I am happy here I wont really mind either way. I also had a friend from Dallas fly in for a conference so we were able to meet up for a night of debauchery (read: 3 drinks and some smack talk.) I quit smoking this month, despite a few minor setbacks, OH and I booked my trip to Italy!!!! I leave in 150-something days.

Now that we're caught up here is the thought I wanted to post initially:

Sometimes you have to let things take their own course. We can plan, plan, and plan some more, but circumstances are always susceptible to change. Be patient, you will find what you want. Be kind, as you can be what others need. Be imaginative, dream what others haven't dreamed. Be amazed. Basque in the glory that surrounds you. For it is what you least expect that is right around the corner.

Busy day

2009-11-23T16:37:00.002-05:00

Call with the CEO today, I feel ultra businessy. It went well, despite not being able to hear much, hopefully the notes will fill me in a little better. I had a training this morning. Last training before Black Friday! Do well my little birdies, do well. Not much else going on. Lots of cleaning, decorating, creating. I need to go get more concrete for a new project I'm doing. It shall remain a secret for now.

The picture is me on my training call this morning.

Goodness

2009-11-21T17:11:00.011-05:00

Well, another long break from the world of blogging. So much happened during the month of August. To be truly honest, it was too painful to come back and see the previous posts about Ian. I dreaded it. The good news is that that is over and done. I'm ready to get back to it now. I'm home until Jan. 1, so we're going to go back to pictures. I figured I would submit a few for my absence.

8/20/09

2009-08-21T00:20:00.006-04:00

TECHNICALLY it's 8/21/09 but I haven't gone to bed yet and I needed to post 8/20's picture of the day. There were so many beautiful pictures from the trip today it was hard to pick one.

These clouds were the light and fluffy ones that you see and identify shapes in as a child. As much as I travel I never really paid attention when flying in these conditions. It reminded me of being a little kid again, and due to the clouds comment from Ian a few days ago, I took millions of pictures, or 34. Here's me in wonderment with my hair thrown up in a rush.

I certainly am working to reattain the fun, innocent escapes of being a child. Everything seemed so magical. Can we ever really get that back? I'm not sure, but I'm sure going to try!

I had a BLAST yesterday hanging out with a friend. If it was a smart idea, I have no clue.

Stop It!

2009-08-19T12:57:00.004-04:00

I absolutely love this wonderful piece of graffiti in my town. I always seem to be irritated when I come to this particular intersection, and while I imagine the little punk who did it meant this as a negative, I see it as a positive.

How often do we cut out all the crap? Stop worrying about bills, money, relationship or work stress, or any other adult matter? Let's cut it out and have some fun! This made it to my picture of the day :)

8/18/09

2009-08-18T17:06:00.002-04:00

Here's our second picture. Not too much else going on. I realized that I don't stop to smell the roses enough courtesy of this guy on the left who so awesomely let me take a picture of his back. A simple remark about "The clouds look amazing today, I would love to be in that plane," set me off on another mission. A few times a day STOP! enjoy what is surrounding you.

365 Days of Photos and Other Random Ramblings

2009-08-17T12:01:00.004-04:00

So I'm starting a new project today. I'm going to take at least one picture every day of anything, me, random objects, whatever I feel that day. This will go on for 365 days and track one year. I guess this means I need to go get a camera. Fun!

I also started planning my ITALY trip for Life Overhaul. It looks like it will be a 16 day trip (14 IN Italy, the rest flights) of which I will venture into the Venice, the Italian Riviera (Specifically Cinque Terre), Florence and Rome. Its going to take quite a while to save for so I'm planning on May 2011 with several other Life Overhaul objectives to be completed in the mean time. This also gives me a chance to get FLUENT (yes, I said FLUENT despite my many regards to the word) in Italian. With the means and opportunity I've been given I'm going to make more for thyself than those of my past have; I mean this solely in the means of travel. New experiences create character, adventure, spontaneity, friends, and most importantly enrichment. I'm done with being bored in the States. Lots of planning ahead, if you know anything I MUST SEE particularly in Venice, Cinque Terre, or Florence please let me know!

In other news, the fading out of the boy is going well. It's always fun to reprogram crappy people's phone numbers in your phone as something humorous. For example, the ex is now "Reminder you deserve better then this crap." Now when he decides I'm worth a text message it says "Hey Carly, I've been a jerk, I'm a loser, feel for me, blah blah" -(senders name) Reminder you deserve better than this crap. Woohoo! I do deserve better, peace out Holmes. Last night the condescending spitwad decided to let me know that "I hear Victor is nice this time of year," referring to my up-and-coming business trip. No response because REMINDER: I deserve better than this crap!

For those of you that don't know this part of me, I'm a freakin' name NERD. I've been doing some rocking upgrades on my combos and here are the top 3 for boys and girls:
Cecily Josepha Caius Adam
Stella Frances Jude Everett
Lucy Catherine Isaiah Giosuè

Yep. Somewhat unfortunate that they will not be used in who knows how long, as I adore them. But keep your grubby hands off, they're mine, for real.

There's No Reason

2009-08-13T00:02:00.003-04:00

There's no reason to be pissed off, just opportunity to learn....

...that he's not worth it.

I fly home tomorrow :)

Don't dwell on the situation, don't make a mountain of a mole hill. Take what comes, learn your lesson, and don't return to the situation. Move on. Follow your dreams. Don't let anyone or any situation sidetrack what you really want out of life. You only get one, don't spend it trying to fix others, only they can want to improve themselves. Enjoy your accomplishments, strive for your goals and what you want you will achieve.

ck.

Traveling, a Letter, and the Aftermath of the Future

2009-08-11T16:31:00.007-04:00

Traveling can be incredibly lonely at times. Now is one of those times. I hate that every time I leave I don't have a clue what's going on, hell most of the time I'm home I don't have a clue what's going on between us.

I,

It's quite obvious what you're doing. I know and I don't acknowledge it. You are there when you want to be and disappear when you desire. I don't push you, I give you space. Once in a while it might be nice to get a "Hey did you make it in okay?" phone call. I really don't ask much of you, and your lack of thought or compassion is starting to wrap around my heart with barbed wire. I know you feel like shit about what you're doing but instead of changing you wallow in how horrible you feel about it. I saw how you looked when Mike gave me flowers. You back out of anything and everything that is worth something to you, but alas it is your life; you are free to make it as miserable as you like. I've done exactly what you're doing. I've been with someone like me (now) when I was someone like you. You're blowing it, and it's really a shame.
~C

Part of me wants to scream out at what he's doing, and part of me believes that anger and resentment for all of the little crap is building up bit by bit. It's been eight months. EIGHT months. The other part of me realizes that if I do bring it up I will hear the answers that I don't want to hear. I've learned that lesson. Simply put, if you crush me again it will destroy me. I know that, so let's follow you're plan and tug along like troopers until you move. Then we can blame it on the 20 minute drive and not have to deal with the aftermath.

So.Damn.Much.

2009-08-10T00:05:00.002-04:00

I'm exhausted. Here's how my day is looking tomorrow, and how they have looked for 5 weeks straight:

5:00 a.m.- get up shower, get ready
6:00 a.m.- Go to Dulles
8:20 a.m.- Fly out of IAD to Cleveland, OH
9:30 a.m.- Land in Cleveland
10:00 a.m.- Rent from Enterprise
10:30 a.m.- Check in at hotel
10:45 a.m.- Grocery shopping for real food during trip
12:00 p.m.- Fedex Kinkos to make copies for meeting.
1:00 p.m.- Lunch
2:00 p.m.- Set up for Training
3:00 p.m.- Training
4:00 p.m.- Training
5:00 p.m.- Training
6:00 p.m.- Training
7:00 p.m.- End Training
7:00 p.m.- Web conference with boss for yearly performance review
8:00 p.m.- Dinner
9:00 p.m.- Work out
10:00 p.m.- Respond to E-mails
11:00 p.m.- Shower
12:00 a.m.- Bed.

For real. Long days have become my every day. I haven't made any progress on my Life Overhaul project. I leave in less than 6 hours, and I haven't packed, laundry is still drying and I have to sleep before this crazy 15 hour day tomorrow.

And the one person who keeps me sane... not here. Another broken promise for another day.

Life Overhaul. It's what you do when your life bores you to tears

2009-07-01T16:23:00.004-04:00

Photo Caption: See "June" below.

And I'd like to say that I will frequent blogger more than once every 6 months; however, I know better than to make this promise. So let's summarize the past 6 months:

January- Awesome, getting used to work. Not much traveling. Not much going out.

February- Started dating in DC. Lots of work travel. Lots of drama.

March- Started going out quite a bit. Still dating the same person, strangely enough I wasn't sick of it... yet.

April- Lots of work travel, the boy's birthday.

May- Lots and LOTS of going out, along with LOTS of work. New Car :D

June- Just finished. Broke up with boy (Picture above is quite the summary.) 17 work trainings in one month. Crazy.

So apparently all I can remember from each month fits into a nice compact sentence. Oh well. I'm still adjusting to life here. While I have quite a few friends, I often get tired of the same thing every day. So, my new thing is going to be a major Life Overhaul.

Life Overhaul Objective Numero Uno.
---> Lifestyle change: I need to majorly cut out the craptastic diet, and actually exercise. I'm not so much feeling a need to be super model skinny or anything unrealistic. I just want to be strong & healthy. I'm so tired of feeling crappy every day. This section also includes quit smoking. (As I ceremoniously light a Marlboro.) The goal for this is a #, though I will be happy with results of any magnitude.
REWARDed

Life Overhaul Objective Numero Dos.
---> Better money Management: I could have gone to Europe for all of the money I've spent going out in VA this year. It really is quite disturbing. My first objective is to pay off my new car (much easier said than done.) Secondly, put money away for Europe 2010 trip!
REWARDed

Life Overhaul Objective Numero Tres.
---> Experience New Things While in the States: Life doesn't begin when I save enough money to go to Europe. There are plenty of things here to do besides go out and party. I'm tired of living the aforementioned lifestyle. I shall fly helicopters, learn to sail, and possibly skydive before 2010 hits.

The World's Newest Public Speaker...

2009-01-08T00:13:00.004-05:00

...ME! I recently took a new job where I will be speaking to employees from a 7-state territory. Nervous? Not nearly as much as I thought I would be.

This is one of those lifetime defining moments. Throughout my life I have hated public speaking, I was a nervous wreck. Maybe I've just hated the material. In 6th grade I had to give a speech on Barbara Walters. On the notes that my Social Studies teacher graded me, she wrote "You did this weird Shuffly thing with your feet!" Consciously, when I was giving my speech, I thought the "Shuffly thing," made me look natural, like I was comfortable up there (obviously not.) Apparently one of the few photos of me at Union Station is of my back while I'm in a ridiculously large ski coat lighting a cigarette in front of Union Station, DC.

Updates on how I'm surviving Virginia:
Through pure boredom. Obtaining a viable social life is proving very challenging. Frasier reruns followed by Golden Girls reruns have proven to be my most consistent companion. Eek.

Relocation

2009-01-07T00:05:00.000-05:00

The wonderful challenges of up and leaving one life and beginning another is much to bear. Especially when you leave just before the holidays, leaving behind a family for something different. Part of me feels guilty for missing out on their lives to improve mine; another part of me thinks that's absolute crap because I'm thrilled that I actually did it.

It's been nearly a month since the road trip from Dallas to DC, where the Memphis picture was taken. I'd like to say that I've established wonderful friendships, but it would be a wonderful lie. I have met a few nice people, and a few I don't so much care for. Time will only tell what shall develop.

Work is wonderful. My team is amazing and I'm on my own for the most part after next week when I'll be traveling to Virginia Beach.